You’ve heard it before, men and women can’t be friends without being sexually attracted to one another and depending on your relationship situation, you’re probably one who has made this statement. In some cases this is true. Feelings, we can’t get rid of them right? You’ve read this in my blog about “The Big Question”. Feelings are the one thing that as humans, we have no control of, they come with the situation. Now, when it comes to a man and a woman being friends, yes it is possible for two individuals of the opposite sex to have a “just friends” relationship, but how long does it last for being “just friends”?
There are instances where either one or the both of the individuals find each other attractive in either physical or mental, or both, and honestly, neither he nor she can control this. So what gets done about it? Well, they can choose to either do one of these three things, begin seeing each other, figure out how they can still be friends without letting their mutual attraction get in the way, or quit the friendship. It’s honestly a shame when a friendship has to end due to both friends being attracted to her but the reality is, the feelings of attraction can be difficult to control and eventually, emotions begin to rise and someone has to worry about getting their feelings hurt.
I once believed that friends who found each other attractive could still be friends while allowing the attractions to exist, without worrying about emotions ever becoming a threat, but then I learned. I learned that a woman’s feelings can never be shut down, and it’s only so long that a man can pretend that his doesn’t exist.
So does that mean that it’s impossible? No. It takes maturity, and it takes you being able to have the heart for whatever you choose to get yourself into. Now, what if it’s a different situation, what if he or she or both individuals are in a relationship, can two persons of the opposite sex be friends? Once again, it takes maturity, and it also takes having the respect for BOUNDARIES!
In order for two persons of the opposite sex to have a platonic relationship, while they are in a relationship, they have to SET BOUNDARIES!
Which goes as follows…
State your intentions
Never assume for the other person that they already know where you stand.
If you know that it is hard for you to control your desires while you are with the person of the opposite sex, this case being the one who you are attracted to, for the respect of your partner, and for the other person as well, stay away from the “friendship”. Do not engage nor initiate it.
No late night calls or txts’ during the booty call hours. This is any time after 10 pm. Yes, and for people in relationships, anything after 9 is against the law.
No touchy feely! You two are aware of the attraction in the air. Skin to skin contact can lead to many inapropriate things which I do not have to name, so keep your hands to yourself brothers… And you too sisters, you’re not innocent in this.
Make sure the other person is informed and understands these boundaries
Know your limits (this is for the both of you)
This doesn’t require a grocery list of things. You set boundaries by the way you speak to one another and the body language you use.
Never step outside your boundaries even at the most tempting moments. Temptation exists, and for those who have seen Tyler Perry’s movie Temptation, you witnessed what temptation can even do to a “Christian” marriage.
Avoid the what if’s
Discussing what could’ve happened is sometime difficult to avoid, but talking about how it could or could’ve been is okay if both parties feel receptive to these emotions. What if you just want to be friends and that’s it? Discussing the, shoulda coulda woulda’s could lead to discomfort in the other person. Also remember, thoughts become things and your words can create actions, so too much of certain words can lead to the unintentional happening.
So back to the title that brought you here, Why Women and Men Can’t be “Just Friends”? It is indeed possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a strictly “just friends” relationship, but not everybody can handle it. So it’s only impossible, when keeping the boundaries for either the he or she persons involved, is impossible… I hope I’ve solved a question. Till next time, friends…